Reading Chong’s (2007) essay got me thinking about how I came to the decision to be a music therapist. After having gone through undergraduate music study, working professionally as a music therapist, and being over halfway through a graduate program in music therapy, it is easy to feel as if I have lost some of my passion for music somewhere in the middle of it all. Chong’s essay encouraged me to stop and think about why it is I do what I do and why I continue to push forward in this field. This involved reflecting on my changing relationship with music.
My relationship with music began at age seven when I started taking piano lessons. When old enough, I learned to play the flute in band class. In high school, I joined marching band, concert band, pep band, and jazz band, and I played for churches each week. I surrounded myself with music and felt my best when I was around music. I also spent a lot of what little free time I had in my room listening to music, trying to find the perfect song to fit whatever situation I was in at that moment. I analyzed lyrics and sometimes wrote lyrics of my own. When home alone, I also often improvised on my piano. Although I did not realize it, I was frequently using music therapeutically. This made me realize I needed to devote my life to a career in music, which led to my undergraduate training. Most of my musical experiences there revolved around playing classical piano music and accompanying soloists for performances. The focus was on perfection and less on the experience of making music, as is the likely focus of many undergraduate music programs. Because my schedule was hectic, I did not spend much time using music for enjoyment. While I loved those days, they were definitely trying, though I felt I was at my peak musical abilities. This is where I gained most of my intellectual relationship with music which Chong (2007) referred to, but my emotional relationship had greatly waned.
After completing my internship, I entered the working world and got married, and things changed even more drastically. For the next couple of years, I struggled with the fact that I no longer played with the same skill as before. I felt almost incompetent in my piano skills to the fact that they were not where they had been when I graduated. I was also not using music for personal satisfaction or self-care, and I was confused as to what role music was supposed to play in my life.
Over the last couple of years, I have finally had several eye-opening musical experiences that have helped me realize how important it is to allow myself the opportunity to enjoy music again. Approximately a year and a half ago, I took the Level 1 GIM course through my graduate program and realized that I had not used music for my own personal enjoyment, much less for self-care, in years. Last summer, I took an improvisation course with Dr. Alan Turry which allowed me to write a song for the first time in quite awhile, and I realized how much I missed that sort of self-exploration through music. This semester, my music psychotherapy class required me to complete self-exploration exercises. Though it often was difficult to “schedule” time this semester to do these exercises, they were certainly helpful, because it was a time in which I could use music and imagery, lyric analysis, songwriting, and improvisation without worrying about whether or not it would result in a good grade or be perfect. It was pure music-making for the sake of making music. This assignment forced me to take some time for myself to make music for my own benefit and to remember all the reasons I decided to become a music therapist in the first place. After such intense musical experiences, I feel I now have a renewed belief in the power of music.
I am finally beginning to reconnect with my love for music and music therapy and I feel much better about my relationship with music. I am much closer in finding the happy medium between my professional and personal life with music, though I know I will always struggle to maintain that balance. It is almost as if I simply needed to experience the power of music again to remind myself of how much of what I do with music is benefiting my clients. It is true that I do not use music in the same ways that I used to, but there is still a place for music in my personal life and in my personal work, but like all other relationships in life, my relationship with music will continue to evolve. I wholeheartedly agree with Chong (2007) in that music for personal use and self-exploration is important for any music therapy program; students and professionals alike need the constant reminders as to why they chose this work in order to avoid burnout and to maintain the quality of music therapy in their professional work. Though it is necessary for undergraduate programs to be focused on musical skill and one’s intellectual relationship with music, perhaps it would be beneficial to incorporate more opportunities for the development of one’s emotional connection to music. I believe that in order to be successful in providing quality music therapy to our clients, it is necessary that we have both a strong intellectual and emotional relationship with music therapy so that we do not forget the immense effect music has on our clients, as well as ourselves.
Reference
Chong, H. J. (2007). Music therapist's therapeutic relationship with music. Voices: A World Forum for Music Therapy. Retrieved March 3, 2010, from http://voices.no/?q=colchong240907
Reading Chong’s (2007) essay got me thinking about how I came to the decision to be a music therapist. After having gone through undergraduate music study, working professionally as a music therapist, and being over halfway through a graduate program in music therapy, it is easy to feel as if I have lost some of my passion for music somewhere in the middle of it all. Chong’s essay encouraged me to stop and think about why it is I do what I do and why I continue to push forward in this field. This involved reflecting on my changing relationship with music.
My relationship with music began at age seven when I started taking piano lessons. When old enough, I learned to play the flute in band class. In high school, I joined marching band, concert band, pep band, and jazz band, and I played for churches each week. I surrounded myself with music and felt my best when I was around music. I also spent a lot of what little free time I had in my room listening to music, trying to find the perfect song to fit whatever situation I was in at that moment. I analyzed lyrics and sometimes wrote lyrics of my own. When home alone, I also often improvised on my piano. Although I did not realize it, I was frequently using music therapeutically. This made me realize I needed to devote my life to a career in music, which led to my undergraduate training. Most of my musical experiences there revolved around playing classical piano music and accompanying soloists for performances. The focus was on perfection and less on the experience of making music, as is the likely focus of many undergraduate music programs. Because my schedule was hectic, I did not spend much time using music for enjoyment. While I loved those days, they were definitely trying, though I felt I was at my peak musical abilities. This is where I gained most of my intellectual relationship with music which Chong (2007) referred to, but my emotional relationship had greatly waned.
After completing my internship, I entered the working world and got married, and things changed even more drastically. For the next couple of years, I struggled with the fact that I no longer played with the same skill as before. I felt almost incompetent in my piano skills to the fact that they were not where they had been when I graduated. I was also not using music for personal satisfaction or self-care, and I was confused as to what role music was supposed to play in my life.
Over the last couple of years, I have finally had several eye-opening musical experiences that have helped me realize how important it is to allow myself the opportunity to enjoy music again. Approximately a year and a half ago, I took the Level 1 GIM course through my graduate program and realized that I had not used music for my own personal enjoyment, much less for self-care, in years. Last summer, I took an improvisation course with Dr. Alan Turry which allowed me to write a song for the first time in quite awhile, and I realized how much I missed that sort of self-exploration through music. This semester, my music psychotherapy class required me to complete self-exploration exercises. Though it often was difficult to “schedule” time this semester to do these exercises, they were certainly helpful, because it was a time in which I could use music and imagery, lyric analysis, songwriting, and improvisation without worrying about whether or not it would result in a good grade or be perfect. It was pure music-making for the sake of making music. This assignment forced me to take some time for myself to make music for my own benefit and to remember all the reasons I decided to become a music therapist in the first place. After such intense musical experiences, I feel I now have a renewed belief in the power of music.
I am finally beginning to reconnect with my love for music and music therapy and I feel much better about my relationship with music. I am much closer in finding the happy medium between my professional and personal life with music, though I know I will always struggle to maintain that balance. It is almost as if I simply needed to experience the power of music again to remind myself of how much of what I do with music is benefiting my clients. It is true that I do not use music in the same ways that I used to, but there is still a place for music in my personal life and in my personal work, but like all other relationships in life, my relationship with music will continue to evolve. I wholeheartedly agree with Chong (2007) in that music for personal use and self-exploration is important for any music therapy program; students and professionals alike need the constant reminders as to why they chose this work in order to avoid burnout and to maintain the quality of music therapy in their professional work. Though it is necessary for undergraduate programs to be focused on musical skill and one’s intellectual relationship with music, perhaps it would be beneficial to incorporate more opportunities for the development of one’s emotional connection to music. I believe that in order to be successful in providing quality music therapy to our clients, it is necessary that we have both a strong intellectual and emotional relationship with music therapy so that we do not forget the immense effect music has on our clients, as well as ourselves.
Reference
Chong, H. J. (2007). Music therapist's therapeutic relationship with music. Voices: A World Forum for Music Therapy. Retrieved March 3, 2010, from http://voices.no/?q=colchong240907